A Nap Sabbatical is Happenin’

IMG_5853Today was my first day of a three-month healing sabbatical and honestly, I have no clue what I’m in for. I may just sleep the entire time away according to how today went.

With it being winter and getting colder by the minute, I could perhaps take a lesson from some wise animals and just hibernate…… considering my heart still feels like doing that more days than not.

The vision and hope behind this is to keep my to-do list to a minimal, and do I dare suggest what may come with that? I might actually begin feeling and just maybe even healing….. Imagine that!

That is the plan, to dig up everything my body has been packing away. All that stuff that I was too busy to feel through in the moment. All that stuff that is keeping me from living my fullest potential. It has got to come out.

A reset if you will.

So how am I going to do that? I don’t really know, but what I do know is this;

  • I’m going to have naps, lots of naps. Whenever my body says nap, I’ll nap.
  • I’m going to sit in silence and just stare into space. (Because we all know that’s where the magic happens).
  • I’m going to sit on the floor with my daughter.
  • I am going to dream. Oh man, am I going to dream.
  • And last, but of course not least, I am going to write.

I am going to write the good, the bad, the not so good and the not so bad.

Whatever it looked like in my heart, whatever I felt, moment by moment, I will feel it and not deny myself a single emotion.

It’s going to be good and it’s going to be so damn hard, but it’s going to be worth it.

So here’s to the unknown, holding on in faith to the beauty of exactly that!

Until next time,

Eva 🙂

What Not to Say to Someone Going Through a Hard Time – ‘God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

Series Post 2 – ‘God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

I know others have tried to debunk this in recent years, but I feel compelled to share what it was like hearing that, during a time when I felt I had definitely been given more than I could handle.

I think what we really mean to say when we say that is,”God loves you and He’s got you.”

Although this is one hundred percent true, to be honest, for some of us in the midst of our hard we don’t always feel that, so even that is a battle to IMG_5080process.

It goes back to allowing ourselves to feel through all of the doubts and pain. To not feel pushed into a prescribed process of what it’s supposed to look like.

The prescribed method is too boxy for most of us, which leaves us feeling less than, hurt and confused.

When I hear, ‘He won’t give you more than you can handle,’ I hear…… I better handle this, on my own, with my head held high, regardless of how I really feel.

Not okay and so unhealthy.

Most of us know this saying comes from scripture, in Corinthians, the writing of Paul…. There is so much more to that scripture then the black and white that has been taken from it.

If we were never given more than we could handle, we wouldn’t need each other or God. That goes against every other word in scripture.

We need to not use that anymore.

Instead we say…. I am here. I am going to do this is hard with you. I will fall with you, I will feel weak with you then I will rise with you.

Together we can!

 

Until next time,
Eva

What Not to Say to Someone Going Through a Hard Time – ‘Stay Strong’

Sitting with others through their pain can be awkward and uncomfortable. We don’t know what to do. We want to make them feel better somehow, so we say things. More like throw up words out of our mouth, words that cause more pain than healing.

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Series Post 1 – ‘Stay Strong’

I can’t even count how many times people have told me to ‘stay strong,’ much less how many times I’ve heard it said to others and even used it myself.

We probably say it because we actually believe staying strong is the only option to surviving trials.

It seems pretty harmless and of course we mean well, but those two simple words can be very damaging to someone going through a crisis.

As we go through challenges, we will feel every emotion imaginable… even weakness. When we are constantly told to be strong, while we feel anything but strong, it brings on guilt, shame and denial.

Immense guilt in ‘why do I feel so weak when I need to be strong, others could handle this better, I need to be strong so I’ll pretend that I am.’

It denies us the freedom to feel, process and heal.

In life we will encounter hard times where we feel completely defeated and weak, and we need to be able to sit in that and own it.

Feeling weak does not make us less of a person. It makes us a human being capable of opening up to the real core of pain and working through it.

The freedom and blessing that comes from fully feeling through our weakness is far greater than ‘being strong’ and fighting against authentic heart emotions.

Imagine the strength of someone coming out of hardship, having lived through it fully feeling.

Fully feeling leads to fully healing…. And feeling weak is part of that!

Until next time,
Eva

For video on this post click here.

The Guilt of Motherhood

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It all starts with one word.

Mama.

Long before it is even spoken by those little lips, already while being knit together, whether in womb or heart.

A piece of you. A part of you. Growing. Shaping to roam and change the world.

Without you.

First comes the joy and excitement, which if we’re honest, is followed by extreme terror and doubt.

You become responsible for this being that prances around with your heart like it’ll never stop beating and can endure all things.

When in reality, after week one, it starts dragging never to fully catch up again.

Sleep is but a vague memory. Clean floors. Dirty dishes. Laundry piles. Dusting – who still does that anyway? It never ends.

Yet, very few of us hold only the prestigious mama title. One that really is enough to consume every ounce of sanity and energy one human is capable of producing.

So we push through day after day as a full-time mama, in a full-time career, as a full-time cleaner, as a never ending cook and a 24-7 first responder…. I haven’t even touched on comparisons and the dos and don’ts that attempt to choke us at every turn.

These little people are everywhere and they need us every minute of the day, even after they start pretending they don’t.

Mamas we will never be done. We are in this forever. All of us.

Feeling alone? Exhausted? Like you’re the only one that just fed their kids Kraft Dinner three days in a row? Like it’s only your child that throws a tantrum in the check out line every. single. time. And the famous words I HATE YOU…. you must be the only parent to have ever heard that.

Because all the other mamas feed their children only organic food with 80% vegetables, 10% protein and 10% carbs. All the other mamas know how to hold their temper, even behind closed doors. They get promotions at work and their homes are spotless. Their children are in ballet, gymnastics, soccer and well every fricking thing under the sun. Oh and their husbands? Well, they are clearly living happily ever after.

Insanity right? How do we keep it together?

We don’t. Each of us marching to the beat of a different drum in the same band. Alone.

Mamas we need each other. We need to do this together.

We need to be able to extend and share our bruised, dragging hearts in all aspects of motherhood. On the street, in the market, at the park and in our homes.

Together with so much grace, love and respect for each other that all those moments of guilt, fear and doubt are replaced and filled with assurance, support and love. Oh so much love.

Because despite all of it, at the end of the day, we love our little beings so much, that we wouldn’t change it for anything.

And there is only one way we can remain sane on this crazy adventure of motherhood…..

Together. Hand in hand. Heart to heart.

You with me mama?

 

Until next time,
Eva

 

 

Photo credit – DanaWall Photography

Plenty of Tea and Hands To Hold

DAPPER ESSENTIALS

It’s a bit like turning the heat up on a pot of frogs. Which, come to think of it, is a silly idea really.

You can be in that state of mind only for so long. Push you way past any limits you ever dared to think you had and then some.

In time the water will get so hot, that even though you have trained your mind to a mental state of resistance, your body will eventually tap out.

When that tap out happens, may the strength of your mind be enough to land you in the shade with plenty of tea and hands to hold.

We like to think it’s smooth sailing after the landing, if only that were the case.

The reality of the situation will only come to be as the breeze blows over you and your wounds get attended to.

Not just some quick miracle healing. No, that would shell shock the system and dismiss the beauty in forming and shaping of each scar individually.

As your hands get held and your wounds begin to seal, the taste of the tea becomes sweet, and you begin to acknowledge the shade not just as a dark cloud keeping you from the sun, but as a protection from more heat.

In that place, people may come and people may go, some bringing salve and others tearing the band-aid off carelessly. Revealing those never ending scars.

In time, that will matter less.

As the feelings start to return, so will your strength. Emotional, mental and physical.

Enough so, that you may come to a place of recognizing that many of those scars won’t be going anywhere for years to come. But you are able to look at them no longer as to what happened in that pot, but as to what happened under that tree.

And oh the beauty of you sitting under that tree, grasping the hands of so many hot pot frogs to follow.

There you will let your ever faded scars shine bright on the ever gaping wounds of those in your presence.

How sweet the tea will be!

Until next time,
Eva