A Nap Sabbatical is Happenin’

IMG_5853Today was my first day of a three-month healing sabbatical and honestly, I have no clue what I’m in for. I may just sleep the entire time away according to how today went.

With it being winter and getting colder by the minute, I could perhaps take a lesson from some wise animals and just hibernate…… considering my heart still feels like doing that more days than not.

The vision and hope behind this is to keep my to-do list to a minimal, and do I dare suggest what may come with that? I might actually begin feeling and just maybe even healing….. Imagine that!

That is the plan, to dig up everything my body has been packing away. All that stuff that I was too busy to feel through in the moment. All that stuff that is keeping me from living my fullest potential. It has got to come out.

A reset if you will.

So how am I going to do that? I don’t really know, but what I do know is this;

  • I’m going to have naps, lots of naps. Whenever my body says nap, I’ll nap.
  • I’m going to sit in silence and just stare into space. (Because we all know that’s where the magic happens).
  • I’m going to sit on the floor with my daughter.
  • I am going to dream. Oh man, am I going to dream.
  • And last, but of course not least, I am going to write.

I am going to write the good, the bad, the not so good and the not so bad.

Whatever it looked like in my heart, whatever I felt, moment by moment, I will feel it and not deny myself a single emotion.

It’s going to be good and it’s going to be so damn hard, but it’s going to be worth it.

So here’s to the unknown, holding on in faith to the beauty of exactly that!

Until next time,

Eva 🙂

A Physical Response to Pain and Trauma

I find myself dreaming big these days. Emotionally and mentally I feel so ready to live a lighter decade of joy, peace and laughter.

My body on the other hand, still keeps tapping out on me.

It seems I am now, physically starting to feel through the last 12 years of pain, loss and trauma.

It starts with feeling nauseous, then a super heavy heart, which usually leads to a full on battle with crazy anxiety. So exhausting!

The bizarre thing is, this can come on a really good day. I’ll be going about my day feeling hopeful and ready to tackle life, when all of a sudden it starts creeping in out of no where.

When I start feeling it, it takes everything in me to not just drown it out and fill my time and my space with anything and everything to deny its existence. Doing this never leads to a positive end result.

In the moment, it seems easier for us to neglect our body and what it’s trying to tell us, than for us to stop long enough to let it catch up and heal.

I am beginning to understand the statistics of how stress and trauma affects our physical well being.

The after affects of living through pain are so complex, most of us don’t really have it in us to fully grasp the extent of how detrimental it can be in our ability to live a fully functional life after.

It is crucial to stop and create space where we can allow healing to happen in every aspect. I have spent hours of emotional, spiritual and mental healing but haven’t really found a way to create enough space and time for physically healing.

we need to digest or bring back up whatever it is that is making us feel physically ill.

It takes time, which most of us don’t have, to allow ourselves the freedom and the space to dig deep and get to the bottom of those physical feelings.

In a sense, we need to digest or bring back up whatever it is that is making us feel physically ill.

We would like to think that emotional and mental healing would automatically lead to physically healing. In my experience, the body has a mind of its own. It cannot be pushed to heal.

It will heal when it wants. How it wants.

It feels rather inconvenient at the time but the truth is, if we deny or neglect our body the time and space it needs to heal, we will suffer for years to come.

Let’s listen to our bodies today so we have all of it to carry us through tomorrow!

 

Until next time,
Eva

 

 

 

 

What Not to Say to Someone Going Through a Hard Time – ‘God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

Series Post 2 – ‘God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

I know others have tried to debunk this in recent years, but I feel compelled to share what it was like hearing that, during a time when I felt I had definitely been given more than I could handle.

I think what we really mean to say when we say that is,”God loves you and He’s got you.”

Although this is one hundred percent true, to be honest, for some of us in the midst of our hard we don’t always feel that, so even that is a battle to IMG_5080process.

It goes back to allowing ourselves to feel through all of the doubts and pain. To not feel pushed into a prescribed process of what it’s supposed to look like.

The prescribed method is too boxy for most of us, which leaves us feeling less than, hurt and confused.

When I hear, ‘He won’t give you more than you can handle,’ I hear…… I better handle this, on my own, with my head held high, regardless of how I really feel.

Not okay and so unhealthy.

Most of us know this saying comes from scripture, in Corinthians, the writing of Paul…. There is so much more to that scripture then the black and white that has been taken from it.

If we were never given more than we could handle, we wouldn’t need each other or God. That goes against every other word in scripture.

We need to not use that anymore.

Instead we say…. I am here. I am going to do this is hard with you. I will fall with you, I will feel weak with you then I will rise with you.

Together we can!

 

Until next time,
Eva

What Not to Say to Someone Going Through a Hard Time – ‘Stay Strong’

Sitting with others through their pain can be awkward and uncomfortable. We don’t know what to do. We want to make them feel better somehow, so we say things. More like throw up words out of our mouth, words that cause more pain than healing.

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Series Post 1 – ‘Stay Strong’

I can’t even count how many times people have told me to ‘stay strong,’ much less how many times I’ve heard it said to others and even used it myself.

We probably say it because we actually believe staying strong is the only option to surviving trials.

It seems pretty harmless and of course we mean well, but those two simple words can be very damaging to someone going through a crisis.

As we go through challenges, we will feel every emotion imaginable… even weakness. When we are constantly told to be strong, while we feel anything but strong, it brings on guilt, shame and denial.

Immense guilt in ‘why do I feel so weak when I need to be strong, others could handle this better, I need to be strong so I’ll pretend that I am.’

It denies us the freedom to feel, process and heal.

In life we will encounter hard times where we feel completely defeated and weak, and we need to be able to sit in that and own it.

Feeling weak does not make us less of a person. It makes us a human being capable of opening up to the real core of pain and working through it.

The freedom and blessing that comes from fully feeling through our weakness is far greater than ‘being strong’ and fighting against authentic heart emotions.

Imagine the strength of someone coming out of hardship, having lived through it fully feeling.

Fully feeling leads to fully healing…. And feeling weak is part of that!

Until next time,
Eva

For video on this post click here.

The Numbing of Netflix

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I know better than to start watching a TV series. I can’t stop until it’s done and well…. some of them have a lot of seasons with a lot of episodes and that takes up a lot of hours.

103 to be exact (ish).

Did you get that? I watched 103 hours of nonsense over the last month.

A series I got so into, that when something happened to one of the main characters, I cried for hours and felt depressed for days.

But I couldn’t stop watching. It was like a drug.

When I felt stressed, I’d watch. When I was tired, I‘d watch. When life got hard, I’d watch. When anxiety took over, I’d watch.

It was the answer to everything, because as long as I was watching, I wasn’t feeling, not real life anyway.

In my brief moments of self-awareness, great ideas would pass by, only to be snuffed out with the longing to ‘turn off’ with Netflix. Netflix won every time.

I could easily see this becoming a pattern, series after series.

Why aim higher and strive for that next promotion, when you can avoid those desires with Netflix? Why follow through with a plan to meet with someone, when you could just stay home with Netflix? Why get uncomfortable listening to the voice of passion and ideas, when the comfort of Netflix is right there?

Why feel through life at all when you can just numb with Netflix?

This is the second time in my life that I have watched a series and knowing my personality and my weakness, it will be a long time before I do it again.

Life is short friends. Really short. I doubt that anyone ever gets to the end and says, ‘man I wish I would have watched more shows.’

That voice, those dreams, those ideas – they are real. Act on them. Live a full life of passion and adventure.

That, you’ll regret if you don’t.

Until next time,
Eva