Since this year is my year of feeling, I would of course, be feeling your birthday extra deep today.
I don’t know a lot about what life was like for you growing up, but I imagine it was a whole lot of good for nothing kinda lovin.
As a parent myself now, I know you tried. You did however, screw up a million times over, and never really broke the parenting cycle you grew up with. I won’t deny the truth in that. I’ve felt it and paid for it two million times over, as I try and break those cycles.
Hard as heck. I get it now.
I’ll have you know though, I don’t really ever think about that.
More than the hard days, I remember you knocking on my door come Saturday morning, asking if I wanted to go to the cattle auction with you. Then riding beside you in your truck, not really ever saying anything, but feeling in my heart like everything was being said.
One of a kind feeling. Miss it so bad.
The way you would sit next to me on those auction seats, completely focused on your next purchase, but then allowing me to make one of my own every once in a while.
Remember that darn goat Lucky?! Yeah sorry, that wasn’t a good choice.
Come noon though, you’d hand over a 20 and know I’d come back with our regular – 2 cheeseburgers, 2 bags of potato chips and 2 cokes.
Thinking of that makes me smile, because you’re probably to blame for my addiction to burgers!
But those were our moments. Miss them so bad.
I miss knowing that when things got tough, you’d be there. In your own way, but there none-the-less.
If you were here now, you’d probably have a thing or two to say and I would probably disagree. But at the end of the day, the father-daughter bond that is there regardless of circumstances or situations, would out weigh our bull.
Today as I sit here and wish with every fiber of my being, that I could celebrate you being 66, I want to thank you.
Thank you for trying. Thank you for raising me to be who I am today. You never let me take the easy way out. You pushed me beyond my desires. You raised me to never give up. I wouldn’t be surviving today if you hadn’t. Thank you!
Dad, I love you. And I miss you so gosh darn much!