I have to admit; a large part of me wants nothing more than to run. Run until the fact that I need to feel through this, is no more. Since the day I agreed to feel and document through the anniversaries this year, tears have been rolling randomly and breathing hasn’t come natural. At the end of the day I know I need to. So here it goes.
February 24, 2009
It’s 8:30 a.m. and I’ve just gotten to work. I’m almost late (which has now turned into always being late) and my cell phone rings… Ach, I probably shouldn’t answer it, but the coast seems clear, so I do. It’s my momma, “Happy Birthday to you! I wanted to be the first to call and wish you a great day. You’re gonna come for cake later right?!” “Thanks mom! Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.”
After work I picked up my brother and we drove out to the farm. About half of the clan was there, including my brother Nick who was visiting from the great white north.
We visited, had cake and then some more cake.
The hot topic that night was me leaving for Israel that Saturday. Dad always had a way with words and showing his love for us.
“Flying all around the world…. That’s how people die you know.” “Mmm no dad, people die when it’s their time to go. You could die here just as easily as me flying to Israel.”
He’d shake his head and say, “You just don’t listen do you?!” “But dad, I’m going to walk where Jesus walked, isn’t that cool?” “I don’t need to walk where he walked here on earth, walking with him in heaven is good enough for me, and it’s good enough for you too!”
I’d roll my eyes and bit my tongue, vowing to dish out my frustration with my brother later on the drive home.
They clearly had reason to be concerned, but I was annoyed and was hoping for some support. Mom just sat there looking at me, like she did so often, wondering where I had come from.
Always going against what they knew. Always going up stream.
Leaving that night I hugged both of them and my siblings. My brothers of whom would say, “Go get em sis.”
We hardly got into the car and I started on my brother. Throwing my hands up, “I just don’t get it, why don’t they get that this is important to me?” Poor guy, knowing full well that saying nothing was probably his best bet. “They just don’t understand.” He’d say, “But hey, at least we have parents right?”
Little did I know…..
Until next time,