Silence

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Silence is deadly and dangerous.

I grew up in a culture where someone else always had it worst than you. Where you couldn’t celebrate achievements because then you were boasting. Where you kept your mouth shut. About everything.

Sexual abuse. Shut it in. Emotional abuse. Shut it in. Broken marriage, mental illness, physical illness, fear, anxiety, rejection, pain, death.

Shut it in.

We still do.

We work hard to drive beautiful cars and live in fancy homes. We portray to be living the good life, but we’re not living.

We can count on one hand how many people we’ve had over in the last year. We live in cities full of people.

Alone.

If we were to do life with others they might see us. The us that we’ve shut in. They would see that we really don’t have our shit together. That we are broken.

That would be uncomfortable.

Instead, we add another thing to our schedule and keep breathing, but not really living.

We pick and choose what we want to feel. Not really feeling.

Our gaslight is on friends. We’re running low. That silence is sucking us dry and the enemy is having a hay day.

I’m breaking that silence. How about you?

 

Until next time,

Eva

 

PS. Over the next couple of months I plan to write real, hard stuff about different anniversaries coming up. I’m scared shitless and would rather not. It’d be ‘easier’ to just continue to not feel through them, but I know that until I really start feeling through ALL of life, I can’t really live in any of it.

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16 thoughts on “Silence

  1. Miss you Eva! Good for you for having courage and honesty to break the silence. We all need to venture into the hurt and let it out so we can help each other through it and allow God to heal and fill those voids. Abrazos, J

  2. I’ve been getting real for the past two years, but as you suggest, only because the day to day pretending fell away and I became home bound. It takes courage, and a bit of a thick skin, however; you will help more than harm every time.

  3. We are to carry one another’s burdens…how can we do that when we don’t know what burden each other is carrying? Thanks for sharing your life with me.

    • I feel for you, writing our stories is so hard. In a sense it’s saying we are no longer trying to deny the truth in them, but fully accept the fact of what happened and that it’s a part of who we are. Much love and strength to you dear one!

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