Silence is deadly and dangerous.
I grew up in a culture where someone else always had it worst than you. Where you couldn’t celebrate achievements because then you were boasting. Where you kept your mouth shut. About everything.
Sexual abuse. Shut it in. Emotional abuse. Shut it in. Broken marriage, mental illness, physical illness, fear, anxiety, rejection, pain, death.
Shut it in.
We still do.
We work hard to drive beautiful cars and live in fancy homes. We portray to be living the good life, but we’re not living.
We can count on one hand how many people we’ve had over in the last year. We live in cities full of people.
If we were to do life with others they might see us. The us that we’ve shut in. They would see that we really don’t have our shit together. That we are broken.
That would be uncomfortable.
Instead, we add another thing to our schedule and keep breathing, but not really living.
We pick and choose what we want to feel. Not really feeling.
Our gaslight is on friends. We’re running low. That silence is sucking us dry and the enemy is having a hay day.
I’m breaking that silence. How about you?
Until next time,
PS. Over the next couple of months I plan to write real, hard stuff about different anniversaries coming up. I’m scared shitless and would rather not. It’d be ‘easier’ to just continue to not feel through them, but I know that until I really start feeling through ALL of life, I can’t really live in any of it.