I find it hard to wrap my mind around the fact that you are over. I find it even more difficult to think of you with appreciation, sort of like 2013. But I can and will say this one thing…
Thank you for teaching me all you have taught me. Things I never would have imagined. Things I never would have chosen for myself.
Didn’t see that coming did ya?
Honestly I do have so much to be thankful for. I am sitting here typing on a computer in an air-conditioned house, full of furniture and more food than I could eat in a week.
There are millions of people who could only dream of such… Why then is my heart so so sad?!
Some may say that I’ve been spoiled or should count my blessings. Do a gratitude challenge. Something.
But regardless of what people say or think, my heart is sad because it has the right to be sad. And it will be sad. Probably for much longer than I would like.
I find it extremely challenging to hear and see the world around me celebrate what the New Year will bring, when all I want is just to breath through another day.
If you’re wondering, “what the heck has she got to be so sad about?” It’s because as a human race, we don’t know what to do with sad people, so we’ve become a people who keep sad hearts to themselves.
Sad hearts are meant for behind closed doors. Locked away. There in the darkness you really feel. As much as you try to deny it, while the whole world celebrates ‘what seems’ their happy hearts, yours throbs in utter sadness.
So what do you do with a sad heart? You breathe in. You breathe out. (Heck I don’t know).
And you tell yourself (although you may not believe it), this too shall pass…
So yes 2014, thank you! You have given me plenty, but for now I’m going to be thankful with my sad heart mm-k?!
And for those of you reading this, no I don’t want you to ask me about my sad heart. That would just get awkward and well, sad.
And now of course to you 2015, here’s what I think of you: I know you will keep kicking me (lets be realistic here), but I WILL KICK BACK, really hard…. With my sad heart and all.
Oh and by the way, I’d be ok with a little less food, a little less house and a little less AC if you could just throw in some nice, deep, shake me to the core kind of joy. Some light at the end of the tunnel if you get my drift. Just saying.
How’s that for an encouraging “lets all smile and pretend something magical happens new years day and we all live happily ever after?”
Until next time,
PS – I know joy is found in Jesus and prayer is the answer to everything. I know that God is good and he has great plans. I know all that. The thing is, my heart is still sad. Perhaps I missed something. But for now, just let my heart be sad, ok? Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Now would be a good time to stop hey?!