Dear 2014

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I find it hard to wrap my mind around the fact that you are over. I find it even more difficult to think of you with appreciation, sort of like 2013. But I can and will say this one thing…

THANK YOU!

Thank you for teaching me all you have taught me. Things I never would have imagined. Things I never would have chosen for myself.

Didn’t see that coming did ya?

Honestly I do have so much to be thankful for. I am sitting here typing on a computer in an air-conditioned house, full of furniture and more food than I could eat in a week.

There are millions of people who could only dream of such… Why then is my heart so so sad?!

Some may say that I’ve been spoiled or should count my blessings. Do a gratitude challenge. Something.

But regardless of what people say or think, my heart is sad because it has the right to be sad. And it will be sad. Probably for much longer than I would like.

I find it extremely challenging to hear and see the world around me celebrate what the New Year will bring, when all I want is just to breath through another day.

If you’re wondering, “what the heck has she got to be so sad about?” It’s because as a human race, we don’t know what to do with sad people, so we’ve become a people who keep sad hearts to themselves.

Sad hearts are meant for behind closed doors. Locked away. There in the darkness you really feel. As much as you try to deny it, while the whole world celebrates ‘what seems’ their happy hearts, yours throbs in utter sadness.

So what do you do with a sad heart? You breathe in. You breathe out. (Heck I don’t know).

And you tell yourself (although you may not believe it), this too shall pass…

So yes 2014, thank you! You have given me plenty, but for now I’m going to be thankful with my sad heart mm-k?!

And for those of you reading this, no I don’t want you to ask me about my sad heart. That would just get awkward and well, sad.

And now of course to you 2015, here’s what I think of you: I know you will keep kicking me (lets be realistic here), but I WILL KICK BACK, really hard…. With my sad heart and all.

Oh and by the way, I’d be ok with a little less food, a little less house and a little less AC if you could just throw in some nice, deep, shake me to the core kind of joy. Some light at the end of the tunnel if you get my drift. Just saying.

How’s that for an encouraging “lets all smile and pretend something magical happens new years day and we all live happily ever after?”

Until next time,

Eva

PS – I know joy is found in Jesus and prayer is the answer to everything. I know that God is good and he has great plans. I know all that. The thing is, my heart is still sad. Perhaps I missed something. But for now, just let my heart be sad, ok? Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Now would be a good time to stop hey?!

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2 thoughts on “Dear 2014

  1. Hi Eva. Your comments about a sad heart really touched me tonight. I know of what you speak. I just came home from a New Years gathering at church, all couples except me. Solitary me. It’s my 4th year since my husband died from thyroid cancer. I’m no longer angry or depressed but there are times when my heart is sad. I know God is good and He has a plan for my life and most of the time I am content in waiting But sometimes the sadness softly creeps up and settles like a wet blanket heavy and hindering. So bit by bit I chip away at the sadness with happy remembrances or counted blessings. I don’t want to feel the weight of this sad heart forever. But for now it’s ok. For now it’s keeping me close to people who know what a sad heart feels like. Is there a support group for such as we? Can we be a support for each other or do we hold hands and sink in sadness together? My word for 2015 is FLOW.
    I will focus on moving beyond my sadness, beyond my loneliness letting God’s love flow over me, in me and through me. This is my desire , God willing. But for this minute or so I will be sad.
    Lou

  2. Lou, thank you so so much for your words. They were so good for my heart. Yes, we must stick together and allow ourselves to feel sad. I believe it’s essential for us to heal properly. A gigantic hug for you and thank you for allowing me a glimpse into your pain. All my love!

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