A week ago today, a knock on the door changed my life. Gary had a seizure. It was awful. After an ambulance ride, tests ect. the doctor walked into the room and said, “The results show that your husband has a mass.” And I said, “Uhhh, what’s a mass?” and she said, “a tumour or cyst, at this point we don’t know, we’ll do some more tests.” And she left the room……. Um, could someone please pull the knife out of my chest so I can breath again? I looked at Gary but couldn’t speak….
When it finally registered what she had said, I was pissed! Pissed at the world and at God. My instant anger didn’t last very long, because I realized right after how desperately I needed a super natural power to keep it together for Gary. I realized how badly I needed someone so much bigger to help me get through this. So, I told God that although I was not happy I recognized that I needed Him in the worst way…
Tomorrow we meet with the neurosurgeon to go over test results, we have no idea what he will tell us. We have no idea what next week will look like for us.
I can tell you what I do know, this week has been long, there have been many ‘what if’ conversations, but we also know that hundreds of people have been and are praying and GOD IS LISTENING. The peace in our hearts is beyond explanation.
We pray and believe that the doctor will tell us that it is ‘just’ and infection and they can treat it here in the USA.
BUT, know this, regardless of what the out come is, Gary and I are committed to glorify God in ALL circumstances. In 2009 we both told God that we were willing to give up what ever it took to serve Him whole heartily and that has NOT changed.
Father God, here we are; shape us, break us, mold us, make us and USE US!
How is God breaking and shaping you lately?
Until next time,